What I Would Do – An Open Letter

Not a fan of open letters but for this blog post, I’m going to write one because a few people have asked me what I would do if my kids turned out gay or identified as a transgender. And I don’t really like verbally answering people’s questions.

So here it is:

Dear Everyone,

I don’t have children and I don’t plan on having them. Not because I don’t like the little humans but because I don’t think I’m going to make a very good mother. 

Let me explain why I don’t think I’m going to make a good mum. 

I have two gorgeous nieces and a tiny handsome nephew. I love them to bits and I’ve often joked with Sisters #1 and #2 (more with Sister #2 because she listed me next of kin) that I would one day take their little ones away from them to raise as my own.

I don’t mind changing nappies, mixing bottles and staying up all night just to soothe them back to sleep . I don’t mind that occasionally I have to deal with a few sore bones because they think it’s fun to go over me instead of around me. I don’t mind that the oldest of the trio asks The Boy every time she sees him when we’re gonna get married (probably something else I don’t want to do – undecided; I’ve always dreamt of a wedding though but never a marriage). I don’t mind that she also asks him what he loves about me (because I’m curious too). I don’t mind that the youngest of the lot seems to find it funny to runaway with my food or slap me during devotion. I don’t mind any of that.

What I do mind is having to do it ALL the time simply because I don’t have the patience, and this saddens me. And because my sisters know this, they never leave me alone with their kids. I’ve seen my sisters raise their children. And as great as they are at it, they still need help. My mother is on hand. Their partners are there. And so are the babysitters. And I could never have a stranger raising my babies. But I am also too damn selfish to give up who I am to cater to somebody else’s needs. Maybe things will change when I have my own. I don’t know.

But if I change and do have kids, this is what I will do. I will love them. Unconditionally, the way my parents have loved their five rambunctious daughters our whole lives. I will raise them the way I was raised – surrounded by the care of family. I will let them know that mummy was and will always be there. That mummy recorded all the firsts – first smile, first tooth, first word, first step. 

I will raise them believing that there is a God out there who loves everyone and it was only people who decided who was worth loving and who wasn’t. They will know that love is patient, love is kind. My babies will know that when they have their first crush, it will not matter to mummy dearest whether the person they love is a boy or girl because love does not judge. They will know that as long as they live with ‘Na’, ‘Nana’, Mum’, ‘Mummy’ (or whatever they want to call me), their decision to love whoever will be supported. Unless, the dreaded ‘whoever’ is a druggie/con artist/older than me/abusive alcoholic with a penchant for sleeping with everything that moves, then you are getting a flat out NO. It is because I, as their mother, reserve the right to judge whether anyone out there will EVER be good enough for MY babies.

MY babies. Will be taught that it’s ok to choose who they want to be. If my little lady wants to go around using Lex instead of Alexis, they will go around being called Lex. I will, however, draw the line at them not using ALEXIS because it’s too girly. No, baby, you will be called LEX because you prefer it to ALEXIS. There’s no such thing as something being too girly. If my son wants to wear pink fairy wings to a birthday party, he damn well will wear it. He is MY son. At the end of the day, their happiness and well-being is MY responsibility. Wear a dress, wear a man’s shirt, wear a butterfly headband, go for it. Play with Barbies? No. Those things are scary looking. Let’s look for mermaid dolls.

So if my kids are gay and transgender, well then there better be glitter and sparkles involved. Cause momma loves shiny stuff and her kids are the shiniest of them all.

With sincere respect,

Carolyn Kitione

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